Peanut Butter & Jelly Walk Into A Bar

Hi everyone.  My name is Peanut Butter & Jelly Walk Into A Bar.  You might not think much of me-I know PB & J isn't the most exciting thing, and morphed into a bar?  It sounds like a waste of time, right?  But I'm here to convince you that I'm a worthy addition to your baking repertoire.
My significant other, Plain Peanut Butter & Jelly, is a nice guy and all, but between you and me?  He's a little stubborn when it comes to change.  Especially, when it comes to the classics.  He'll order Plain pancakes when the menu says they offer 100 different kinds.  He'll happily pick Plain cheeseburger over the triple-heart-clogger-frito-pie-burger. That's a Plain Peanut Butter & Jelly for ya?  But me?  I like change.  Classic Schmlassic, I say.  Like last week when I changed up the ravioli just a teensy bit, Plain Peanut Butter & Jelly got so mad!  He told me I'd be Goober if I tried that stunt again. 

As if I'd allow myself to become Goober.  I mean, look at me.

I don't know if it's my crumb cake top or the way my sweet rasperry jam gently runs down the peanut buttery center which makes me better than the classic sandwich, but it does.  Sorry Plain Peanut Butter & Jelly-you know it's true.
Well, I don't want to overstay my welcome.  So here we go.  What you'll need:
(Disclosure:There are a total of 3 sticks of butter in this recipe if you count the topping.  Don't count the topping.  Now, you're down to 2.  Let's call butter X.  And the protein from the peanut butter Y for-- y Yes! protein is good for you.  And the antioxidents from the rasperries are Z, for zero.  Carry the 1, mutiply by zero, alakazam and you've got 2x(y-z)=0 sticks of butter.  Thank you Sir Isaac Newton.)

1/2 pound (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 extra-large eggs, at room temperature
1 1/2 cups (18 ounces) creamp peanut butter
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
1 1/2 cups (18 ounces) rasperry jam or other jam
2/3 cups salted peanuts, coarsely chopped
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
Grease a 9x9 2 inch cake pan.  Line it with parchment paper, then grease and flour the pan. 
In a large bowl, cream the butter and sugar with an electric mixer on medium speed until light yellow, about 2 minutes.  With the mixer on low speed, add the peanut butter, vanilla and eggs until all ingredients are combined. 

In a small bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder and salt.  With the mixer on low speed, slowly add the flour mixture to the peanut butter mixture.  Mix just until combined.
Spread 2/3 of the dough into a prepared cake pan and spread over the bottom with a knife or offset spatula.  Spread the jam evenly over the dough. 

Roll out the remaining dough on an even surface to about 1/8 inch thickness.  Cut in strips and lay over jam with a little space open between each strip.  Like this:

Okay, here's the final step.  And this makes a big difference, so don't skip it!  It's a crumble topping similar to a crumb cake topping.  It tacks on a bit more time to this recipe, but I think it's totally worth it. 
The ingredients are separate.  Here they are:
1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup light brown sugar, lightly packed
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 pound (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted
1 1/3 cups all-purpase flour
Combine the granulated sugar, brown sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg in a bowl.  Stir in the melted butter (doesn't matter if it's hot or not, just melted).  Then stir in the flour and mix well. 
With your hands, spread the crumbly topping and chopped peanuts over the bars. 

Bake for 50-55 minutes or until golden brown.  Cool for 20 minutes and cut into squares.

Man Does Not Live By Bread Pudding Alone

Are you tired of competent cooks?  Food blogs with perfect pictures and recipes voted "family favorites?"  Sick of family favorites?  You've come to the right place.
My friend and I just started two food blogs.  You're on mine.  Here's hers.  mywifesfoodblog.blogspot.com  Okay, her husband started the blogs.  Something about us 'never getting around to it so he finally did."  Doesn't matter.  We're going to cook some things and let our significant others & friends provide their (ahem) thoughtful and humble reviews.
Last night was my 'other's' debut as humble critic.  It was a gripping performance.  Here's Act I.
Him: "Why are you putting ham in bread pudding?"
Me: "It's savory bread pudding."
Him: "I don't think ham will taste good with sweet stuff."
Me: "I agree.  That's why it's savory."
I thought in Act II he might step up his game a little.
Him: "It's kinda bland."  "I like Velveeta cheese."  "Have you thought of using Velveeta?"
I was wrong. 
Despite his disdain of the English language this particular evening and love for Velveeta, my normally articulate other actually does have a good palette.  And somewhere between washing the pile of dirty dishes and pretending not to mind at all, he gave the dish a B+.
I think next time I'll add more oregano and basil.  Oh, and an onion.  Maybe drizzle a little olive oil on top for more richness.  If you decide to make it, let me know what you think.  Or my friend.  We would love to hear.  And see pics! 
Here's the recipe:
8 large eggs
1 cup whole milk
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
1 cup diced ham
1 1/2 cups grated pecorino cheese
2 cups grated fontina cheese
1/4 cup grated parmesano reggiano for garnish
1/4 cup fresh parsley, oregano, basil (combined)
6 cups cubed 1 inch thick Ciabatta or Brioche bread (I used Brioche.)
4 tablespoons of unsalted butter
Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Heat the oven to 350 degrees.  Grease 9 x 9 baking dish with butter.  With an electric mixer, beat the eggs in a large bowl on low for 1 minute.  Change setting to medium and beat for 2-3 more minutes.  Whisk in the milk and cream.  Season with salt and pepper.  Fold in ham, pecorino, fontina and herbs. 
Arrange half of the bread cubes evenly over the bottom of the buttered baking dish.  Pour over half of the egg mixture.  Add a second layer of bread cubes then pour the remaining egg mixture over the top.  Bake in the oven for about 45 minutes or until center is cooked.  Let rest for about 10 minutes before serving.

Starbuck's Lemon Pound Cake

I have a hard time letting things go.  I've been told this.  There are things I have questioned for many years and haven't found answers.  Like why do the makers of Oreos want you to believe you can lick off the filling?  And why do white crayons exist?  Who would color with a white crayon?  To color on black paper?  Who has black paper?  And why do some people say they will text you and then don't (ahem).  And why on Sunday morning, when I had been looking forward to it all weekend, did my Starbucks run out of lemon pound cake?  I love that lemon pound cake as if it were my own.  In fact, the next dog I get, I'm naming it "Starbuck's Lemon Pound Cake."  Okay okay moving on.  So, true to form, I set out to make my very own version of this cake, thereby stickin it to you know who and answering the question which begs to be answered: what's in that stuff that makes it so darn good?
Ingredients:

1 box yellow cake mix
3.4 ounces instant or cook and serve lemon pudding mix
1/2 cup vegetable oil
4 large eggs
1/2 cup milk
8 ounces sour cream
6 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice

Icing:
2 1/2 cups powdered sugar
3-4 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and spray 2 loaf pans with cooking spray.  Place all cake ingredients in no particular order into a bowl.

Beat on medium speed with an electric mixer for 2 minutes.

Divide cake batter between two prepared loaf pans spreading evenly. 

Bake for 45-55 minutes, until golden brown and cooked through.  Remove and let cool for 20 minutes before removing loaves from pans.
To prepare icing, place powdered sugar into a large bowl.  Drizzle in lemon juice stirring until smooth and thick.  Drizzle icing over cakes and let set for 20 minutes for a firm icing.  Otherwise, slice while wet if desired. 
Makes about 20 slices.

This is a pretty foolproof beginner cook dessert and it's out-of-this-world good.  My grandmother used to call this type of cake a "dump" cake because all you do is dump everything into a bowl.  She had a way with words, didn't she? 

Cake Batter Truffles

I'm a sucker for trite, meaningless and prosaic statements.  Especially this one, which I heard at bible camp when I was a kid: "If you can dream it, you can do it."  This weekend I had a dream and I decided that I could do it.  The dream was a cake batter truffle.  And not just any cake.  I wanted the concentrated flavor of the yellow birthday cakes I remember as a kid crammed into a bite sized truffle.  Inspired?  Insane?  I didn't really know how to do this, but fortunately pinterest exists.
I love birthday cake.  I love birthdays for that matter, but that's not what this post is about.  For me, yellow cake conjures up memories of roller rinks parties and sheet cakes with 4 inches of icing.  But regardless of whether or not yellow cake holds any special meaning, I'm sure you can agree that cake is awesome.  And if not, there are two possible reasons: One, you are not American.  Two, there is something seriously wrong with you and this is not to be taken lightly so get yourself to a doctor immediately.  Maybe your taste buds have fallen out.
Enough of that, here's the recipe:
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1/2 white sugar
1 1/2 cups flour
1 cup yellow cake mix
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/8 teaspoon salt
3-4 tablespoons milk
2 tablespoons sprinkles
Truffle Coating:
16 ounces almond bark (or white candy melts)
4 tablespoons yellow cake mix
sprinkles

Beat together butter and sugar using and electric mixer until combined.  Blend in vanilla.  Add cake mix, flour, salt and vanilla and mix thoroughly.  Add 3 tablespoons of milk or more if needed to make a dough consistency.  Mix in the sprinkles by hand. 

Roll dough into one inch balls and place on parchment or wax paper lined cookie sheet.  Chill balls in the refrigerator for 15 minutes to firm up.

While dough balls are chilling, melt almond bark in microwave in 30 second intervals until melted.  Stir between intervals.  Once melted, quickly stir in the cake mix until incorporated completely. 
Using a fork, dip truffles into almond bark and shake off excess bark by tapping the bottom of the fork on the side of your bowl.  Place truffle back on the cookie sheet and top with sprinkles.  Repeat with remaining balls until finished.  (Note: for smoother looking truffles, don't add cake mix to melted bark, just leave it by itself.)

Chill cake batter truffles in the refrigerator until serving.  Makes around 24-30.

White Chocolate Macadamia Scones

Not too long ago I had to go to an appointment.  The worst kind of appointment: retirement planning.  The guy seemed nice enough.  His name was Sherman (not making that up) something or other.  He spoke about how to reallocate the thingamabobs in my 401K.  “Hare hum, ohf be-gloggin meeshie moo,” he said.  I nodded my head in agreement.  I was pretty wrapped up in my own thoughts which had nothing to do with investment anything.  He kept going on about bonds or some such, but all I wanted to do was high tail it outta there so I could tear into this little piece of heaven.  “So, for example, if you put the five percent in flarney barney wa wa,” explained Sherman.  “Because the market is going to crikey mikey dippy doo.”  Yes, yes I agreed.  My eyes glazed over.  I had no idea what he was talking about.   My mind was on more important matters. 

Makes 8 scones

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting surface
3 TBSP granulated sugar
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
6 tablespoons cold, unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
1/3 cup buttermilk, cold
1 large egg yolk
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 cup macadamia nuts, chopped
1/3 cup good quality white chocolate chips

For garnishing with sugar:
1/3 cup boiling water
3 tablespoons granulated sugar, plus more for sprinkling on top

Position rack in the top third of the oven and preheat to 425 deg F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Prepare the syrup for sugar garnish by mixing the 3 tablespoons sugar into the 1/3 cup of boiling water and set aside.

Sift first 5 ingredients into a large bowl. Give it a good mix so that the flour mixture is uniform. Add the cold butter and mix together with your hands until the mixture looks like coarse sand or coarse meal. I find that if you rub the flour and butter between your hands it works a lot faster.

In another bowl, whisk together the buttermilk, egg yolk and vanilla. Pour into flour/butter mixture and mix until it comes together. I know, it's sticky. Add in the nuts and chocolate chips and give it a good knead in the bowl.

Dust your working surface with flour and turn the dough out of the bowl. Knead it a couple of times. Pat down and flatten it out into a disk about 1" thick. Cut into 8 slices and place on lined baking sheet. Brush the tops of the scones with the sugar syrup and sprinkle sugar over the top of them. This will make them sparkle.
Bake for 13-14 minutes until golden brown on top.

This recipe is very versatile. You can substitute the nuts and chocolate for pretty much anything.

Dig in!

"Irish" Fish & Chips

Last weekend was St Patty’s Day.  Naturally, I wanted to make an authentic Irish meal so great it would make Mr. Guinness roll over proudly in his grave.  I could have made Shephard’s Pie or a Beer Braised Irish Stew, maybe some Soda Bread to dunk in the stew, but, no, instead I decided on the traditional fish and chips.  Wait a second.  Yes, fish and chips.  The British name for it is…fish and chips.  I’m not sure what I was thinking or not thinking.  It took me a long time to come up with what I’d cook for dinner that night and after I realized my traditional Irish menu lacked traditional Irish-ness, it was too late.  I had a plan of attack and a bag full of expensive cod- and as Mario Batali says about Italian food, shopping is half the battle.  If you have good ingredients, it’s not hard to put them together.  I was already halfway there, so there was no turning back.    

I had never made fish and chips before, but, man was I confident.  I can pretty much fry anything.  I could fry yogurt if I wanted.  So I figured frying a few strips of cod and potato would be a nice diversion from the ambitious recipes I’d been trying lately.  I opened my Calling All Cooks cookbook, Vol. 3 and there it was: the simplest homemade fish and chip recipe I’ve ever seen.  Too simple, actually.  But you’ll see in a moment.

First, the potatoes.  For a long time I’ve wanted to make my own chips.  Not the shy, dainty slivers of fried potato they’re always making on Food Network necessarily-but the thick, hearty chips you aggressively dunk into a mayo aioli or thick, lemony-dill tartar sauce.  Delish!  So, needless to say, my expectations were high.

Place 4 large potatoes, peeled and sliced thin (about 1/8 of an inch thick.  I used a mandolin.)  Preheat about a quart of peanut oil in a large pot to 350 degrees.  Fry the potatoes in the hot oil until they are tender.  Remove from the oil and drain them on paper towels.  The recipe calls to fry the potatoes again for 1-2 minutes after the fish is fried for added crispness.  I guess crispy is a subjective word, but c’mon.  Well, it’s not a great picture and definitely not a great picture.

Moving on to the fish, or as I refer to it, the place things took a real turn for the worse.  For the batter, in a separate medium size mixing bowl, mix together the following:
1 cup of all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon of baking powder
1 teaspoon of salt
1 teaspoon of fresh cracked black pepper
Then stir in the following into your dry ingredients:
1 cup of whole milk
1 egg
Stir until the mixture is smooth and let the mixture stand for 20 minutes.
Liberally season 1 1/2 lbs of fresh cod fillets with kosher salt and fresh cracked black pepper.  I added a little garlic powder for a little extra flavor.  Dredge the fish in the batter.

Place filltets in the hot oil.  1 or 2 at a time.  Don't overcrowd.  Fry until the fish are golden brown.  Remove the fillets and drain well on paper towels.

Piece of cake, right?  They don't look so bad, but looks aren't everything.

I mean the components were fine-fish, potatoes, salt, oil.  But something got lost in translation and next time I make fish and chips, or even just chips, I’ll use a more meticulous cookbook.  This often happens with Calling All Cooks cookbooks.  They’re so casual about everything that you never know how something is going to turn out.  I normally appreciate this casualness, but not so much this time.  When you cook for other people, you want more pizzazz.  Also, less wilted potatoes.  So this recipe gets a C- in my book.

Buttery Buttermilk Biscuits With Honey Butter

There's an epidemic happening people.  And a war is being waged against us in households across the world.  I don't know when the war against butter started, but I aim to settle it.  I've entered the war zone and I'm beginning my fight in the name of butter-lovers everywhere.

I’m constantly getting grief from the guy I’m dating about the use of butter in my recipes.  Something tells me he might be in future entries, so I’ll call him Thing 1 for now.  I’m sure he would object.  “Do you have to use so much butter?”  “Gimme the English Muffin with the least amount of butter on it.”  “MY GOD, how much butter do you go through in a week?” 

So my first order of business as the self-elected Butter Commissioner is to make a batch of my mom’s delicious, buttermilk biscuits.  And here’s our ingredients.  They are: 3 cups of all-purpose flour, 2 tablespoons sugar, 1 cup whole buttermilk (I wouldn’t use 2% if I were you, but to each his own.), 2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, 1/2 cup of the aforementioned butter (very cold, cut into small chunks) and about a 1/2 teaspoon salt.

In a medium bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt.   Use a pastry cutter (or 2 forks as my mom did) to cut in the shortening until it looks like cornmeal.  It will start out like this:

 And end up looking like this:

Now, add the buttermilk, a little at a time, stirring constantly until well mixed.

Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface.  Knead lightly two or three times.  Roll out the dough with a floured rolling pin to 1/2-inch thickness.  Cut with a 2-inch cutter.

Place your biscuits onto a greased cookie sheet. Here's the big secet.  Brush each biscuit top with buttermilk.  Instead of a flat, dull biscuit top you will have a glossy, slightly crisp top.  You could also brush with melted butter, but I prefer the color the buttermilk makes.  Perfectly golden.

Bake at 400 degrees for 12-16 minutes.  Most recipes I have seen out there call for about 12 minutes, but I’ve found I need 15-16 minutes.

And finally….the honey butter.  Mix ¼ cup of softened butter with 1 tablespoon of honey.  Mix with a spoon or spatula.  Smear it on shamelessly.

There is nothing healthy about a biscuit and I write that with a heavy heart because growing up my Alabama born and raised mother made these biscuits for me many Saturday mornings.  And they were so good.  She just had the touch.  I’m not one to dole out cooking tips.  I mean, what do I know?!  But if I’ve learned one thing in the kitchen and from my mom, it is this: Use real butter.  Everything you make will taste better! 

I’ve learned to substitute out on occasion certain ingredients in an effort not do die before I can receive my senior citizen discount.  Because I’ve been looking forward to that for years.  I’ve used turkey instead of pork, low sodium instead of full throttle, low sugar instead of high, but by god I will always use real BUTTER!

Baked Fontina Val D'Aosta

Do people who cook do it for attention?  It's a surprising question, one I hadn't really considered until I wrote that sentence.  But, c'mon.  You can't read any blog and ignore the fact that, well, blogger = needy.

I'm aware the world doesn't need another food blog.  No, the world needs lots of other important things.  Nevertheless, here I am wooden spoon in hand.  The comedian Mark Maron wrote a funny essay about that once for Saveur (here's the link).  I love this quote from it: "The idea that I could do something giving and seemingly selfless and still be the center of attention seems magical."  I bring all this up because last weekend I was cooking for someone who needed impressing.  But first things first, the appetizer, a little pre-nosh.

It had to be fabulous, so, naturally I turned to Ina.  Her Baked Fontina Val D'Aosta recipe produces a gooey, salty, cheesy fantasy that could get anyone's attention.  It's not so much a recipe as it is just sticking some super expensive cheese into a pan and watching your cash melt away, but if Ina thinks it's worth listing out the steps then who am I to object.  It begins with 1 1/2 lbs of Fontina Val D'Aosta cheese:

Preheat your broiler and position the oven rack 5 inches from the heat.  Remove the rind and cut into small squares.  Ina says to cut in 1" diced cubes.  I prefer chopping away with absolutely no precision.  It's just cheese.

Place the cheese into a 12 inch cast iron pan and drizzle olive oil.  Combine the following into a small bowl and sprinkle over the cheese and olive oil.
6 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
1 tablespoon minced fresh thyme leaves
1 teaspoon minced fresh rosemary leaves.
Sprinkle with salt and pepper.  About of teaspoon of each.  Place the pan under the broiler for 6 minutes or until the cheese is melted and bubbling and starts to brown.
Serve family-style right out of the oven in the cast iron pan with French baguette or whatever crusty bread you like and start dipping.                          

The person I was doing all this for actually had the nerve to say it looked "greasy."  If you find yourself with a similar guest I suggest you tell him it's supposed to be that way, just eat it and your welcome.